Ale: Yeah dude, you had a huge ass. Why do you think everyone touched your ass all the time?
Rene:.....My personality?

Rene: I like how we're genuinely prostitutes, but I will always consider Doneri the whore.

Ma: Move, I've got a half hour left in my nap.
Ale: It was supposed to be a half hour nap.
Ma: Yeah, well, I've got a half hour left.
Ale: You laid down forty minutes ago!


Ale: Ma, who's this guy who looks like Lil Wayne on this book over here?
Ma: He's a preacher.
Ale: You're taking spiritual advice from Lil Wayne? Ma, careful, he'll make you a gangbanger.
Ma: TOO LATE!!

Least Heterosexual Statement of the Day:
"Lady Gaga is kind of Cher mixed with Madonna in the 'Bad Romance' video. Like, her vocals are like Cher's but the dancing is more like Madonna."

Most Heterosexual Statement of the Day:
"I want to bang her on top of money."

Rene: You're an affront to the entire female gender.
Ale: Oh yeah? Well they can SUCK IT.



Ale: I want a Chuckie Cheese pizza.
Rene: Well I want a beautiful European man, but that's just not happening, now is it?
Ale: Mine costs like five bucks, what does yours cost?
Rene: Like five bucks...AMERICAN.




"Oh my God, I misspelled 'Dictionary,' what tragic irony in that." -Rene


"I think you just gave me a blowjob." -Ale

Ale: whorebag
Ale: i left my wallet at your house
Greg: i left my soul in chicago
Greg: I WIN

"I want a shortie to be like that on my jock."

(to Rene, on Haverford and the army of ex-girlfriend's coming to attack)
Ale: Take me to Hogwarts and protect me! They can't Apparate in there.